We've all heard.....change is painful, change is good, change is inevitable, change is the only constant.
Let me add to that... Change is %^#*ing hard? Change sucks! Change rocks! Confused? Ah, me too my friend.
In a few short months, my life will never be the same. I have thrown all expectations aside about what's coming when L'il Cashew, (for the uninitiated, that's the name we've given to the baby growing inside my belly, 'Peanut' was taken) enters the world.
I know that I am scared to death. I know that growing this baby inside me, with all the aches and pains and inconveniences of feeling like you could have a family of four move inside your belly you feel so huge and then having to push it out is all short term pain. Surprisingly, I think I can handle that.
Its the long term changes I'm not so sure about. The lifelong task of providing a good example for my child, of being a role model I myself would want to look up to is a scary prospect. These changes, these unknowns are the stuff I get stuck in. As a recovering Perfectionist I have learned that I can't expect to be perfect but it took me a long time to figure that out. And, I still don't have it figured out.
What I know for sure, if I could borrow that phrase for a second, is that I don't know what will happen. I don't know who this babe will be, what's it's personality will be like, what sort of support it will need. I do know, that as I get to know the little one, I will learn a ton about myself and in turn, maybe the answers will appear. In the meantime, borrowing worry is no way to live.
I suppose that with these long term changes ahead comes pain but with any luck a whole lot of fun to offset it. I just want to be happy, and live my journey with childlike wonder.
Hmmm, maybe that's what this is about.
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